Whenever I told people that I was pregnant they always said: “wow, you are blessed, kids are so beautiful, motherhood is amazing you will love it.”
They all made it sound so easy, and I believed them.
I always used to think when I can deal with ups and downs of my high – risk pregnancy, I will be able to deal with baby blues and postpartum depression. Oh boy, I was so wrong.
After thirteen hours of labor, I delivered a baby girl. The rush of love that people used to tell me when you see your baby for the first time, in my case I did not feel anything I was numb.
After staying four days in hospital we finally got discharged. We took our little girl to home, first few weeks were real struggle we did not know anything about babies but some how we managed as days goes by the reality of mother hood was hitting hard, it was not easy slowly I slipped into depression, at first it was getting irritated on small things, small arguments then it started getting worse when husband used to leave for work, crying out loud until I can not breathe, cursing my baby when she used to cry, feeling so weak that I was not able to hold my baby. Because of depression, I started picking fights with my husband on small things, thinking so negative, I was tired all day.
All I needed was a shoulder to cry on. Daily same routine, diapers, feeder, crying was making me mad and angry.
I knew I had to do something on my own no one is going to rescue me even my doctor did not help me according to her I should start praying or connect to God, I started to read articles and other people stories of postpartum depression, that made me realized that I am not alone, ‘I can do this, there will be good days and bad days and most important this shall pass’. My friend told me kids grow up so quickly so cherish each moment that is what I started doing, started smiling in her smile, playing with her made things better.
It’s been nine months now things are better now, still there are days I feel depressed and alone, but I keep reminding myself “this shall pass like everything else.”